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Reddit User Nopenoone Confessed She Lied About Being a Tour Manager

This past weekend one of the trending topics on Reddit was “Former groupies of Reddit, what was your experience? (NSFW)” in which one Reddit user named nopenoone instantly became a hit as she spoke on what we believed were true stories of her experiences with DJs. Just 21 hours ago though, nopenoone wrote “Alright. I confess. I actually never handled any of these people; at the most I have just been to a lot of shows. I stole all these stories from various EDM message boards. Some of it I just made up (like Dada Life. I had to look them up). You can disregard what I have said unless it was confirmed by other people.
This was just meant to be a way to pass my Saturday night, I never imagined it would get so out of hand. I'm very sorry.”

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Here are the stories that she shared which came from EDM blogs and discussion boards.

Above & Beyond: Above and Beyond. Hands down the best guys to work with; it truly is a joy when I go on the road with them and I consider them close friends outside of work.

Above & Beyond: Above and Beyond… I could talk for DAYS about them. The best guys I have ever, ever worked with, and I feel fortunate I can call them friends and still see them often. They are all VERY true to their ladies and do not sleep around at all. I adore their manager, and really he's the one who gets the action since the guys say no. They are incredibly hard workers. Tony will get very mad if groupies get in the backstage and drink up the rider, though. Paavo is very quiet and private and does not like having girls backstage. Jono is Jono. Hard to tell what he is thinking. They are also very diplomatic people when it comes to artists they do not like.

Adventure Club: Adventure Club likes orgies. Thats all I got.

Afrojack: I've never handled Afrojack but he is a douche (commented about it earlier) and he makes everyone leave the backstage, even if you have an AA or are a performing artist if he is out on his way to the stage or coming back from his set.

Afrojack: Afrojack is indeed a douche, and very ignorant of music in general. He straight up said to me that he bothered to learn the Beatles names because he ‘doesn't waste his time on old music no one listens to'. He's very full of himself and I LOVED watching the interview where Tiesto, Ferry Corsten and Sander Van Doorn all schooled the fuck out him.

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Alesso: Alesso? When I handled him he didn't take any girls, but I've heard the competition for him is very steep (talking to the stage manager of a venue in Detroit last Sunday and he said they have to add security when Alesso is in town because girls will fistfight just to stand by the backdoor). Good luck!

Armin van Buuren: Armin sleeps around. Often. I was pretty sad to hear it because he puts on a very wholesome image and is very much in love with his wife. Then I have to remember who runs his label and the kind of guys he's surrounded by. I still think he's a great guy, though. He LOVES his little girl. Last time I saw Armin he called me over to look at videos of his daughter who was just learning how to sit up.

Armin van Buuren: Probably a hook-up. He loves his wife, but he will play around. If she's ‘dating' him then she is probably a regular hook up when he's in the area.

Armin van Buuren: 2009 backstage at Ultra; Armin was standing around backstage and some guy named Gary came up and did magic tricks/card tricks with Armin. Armin loved it! I have pictures. He looks so happy.

Armin van Buuren: He is pretty chill. He's so incredibly calm. He was studying to be a Lawyer before he found success in music. Four years ago I was in LA at a studio and one of the people on his label had been very upset with Armin, talking shit publically, etc. Armin took the time to come to the studio, meet with this guy and was very calm. He opened by saying: “I understand you have been upset with Armada and me. I would like to discuss this with you.”

Arty: Haven't seen Arty in a long time but I remember him being a sweet kid who, when at an after-party someone broke out some drugs, asked to be taken back to his hotel because he didn't want to jeopardize his image or the tour he was on. No idea if he's still the same person though.

ATB: ATB is very pretentious. Refuses to talk to anyone, even when backstage. He and his manager thought I didn't know German and laughed when I leaned against a generator and were joking I was masturabting myself with it. Dick.

Bassnectar: Hahahaha oh Bassnectar. He's super rowdy and a prankster. Once after a beachfront festival there were a bunch of a girls backstage and they came up to him asking him what he was doing after this. He said he had an afterparty to play. The girls were all pouty and said it was sold out so he told them ‘I'll put you on the list as ‘Hot Girl'. Bring 10 of your friends. See you there'. I wish I didn't have to go to another venue that night because I would have LOVED to have watched these (obviously underage) girls roll up to the club and try to get in as ‘hot girl +10'.

Basshunter: Bassnecter fucked a girl in her pooper with a sharpie. Her friends saw it. I nope'd the fuck out of there.

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Borgore: Rowdy as fuck. Jesus christ that boy is insane. I handled him once and never again, I was exhausted. He tried to finger a girl in a club and when she complained he said ‘Bitch I'm Borgore' and walked off. He also went around at an afterparty walking up to people asking for coke, and when I tried to stop him he says ‘oh please, I'm Borgore, no one is going to arrest me!’. Sigh. He was a nightmare. Late for everything. Wanted to fuck everything, damn near threw a fit when I told him to slow down on the drugs else he won't be able to play… yeah.

Boyz Noize: Heard Boyz Noize are your typical party dudes.

Carl Cox: Carl Cox doesn't tip. Ever. He's loud and rowdy and likes bony white women, usually blond. He throws one helluva private yacht party during WMC. Every time I go he gets me fucking wasted… that dick. haha I love him. He gives the best hugs.

Cosmic Gate: Fun fun guys. Claus and I once battled each other in Guitar Hero in Chicago and I hid in a bathtub with both of them during an afterparty at a hotel when security came to kick everyone out. I've seen them many times, especially in Miami. Bosse, since he moved, has changed and not for the better. We was always the less friendly of the two, but since he split from his girl he's just… not a good dude. I knew something what up when he started rocking the rhinestones and Affliction tee’s.

Crookers: Crookers is a nice guy, and fun to talk to. Never handled him but he's polite from what I remember.

Dada Life: Dada Life never handled but they are crazy and always chasing after women backstage. It was an issue at a festival one year because they had all these girls they picked from the crowd, fuck them in the trailer, then let them loose so these groupies are running around backstage witout passes trying to hook up with other artists.

Daniel Kandi: is pretty silly. Got pictures of him drunkenly smooshing his face up to a plexiglass panel in LA.

*Dash Berlin (Group) *: Dash Berlin is awesome! I'm not a fan of the unicorn trance but they're always chill guys to be around. Love having a beer backstage and just chatting. I find the trance guys are usually the most chill.

David Guetta: David Guetta… I've been told by people in the industry his wife has him by the balls and the only way he's allowed to sleep around is if she picks out the girl and can watch. I'm sure he fucks around a lot on the side, though. He likes guido-looking girls.

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Deadmau5: Deadmau5…I could go on all day. All I can say is I can not stand Joel. Funny enough, he hates those who like him and treat him well. If you treat him like shit he likes you so much more. He also is obsessed with being the ‘hurr durr l337 m4st3r tr0ll lolololol'. I know a lot about Joel, including how he got to where he is and how if it wasn't for the fact one artist, who is a childhood friend of his who he stabbed in back, he would still probably be living like a crack-den.

Deadmau5: Deadmau5 was the worst and Boregore was the hardest partier.

Dillon Francis: Dillion is supposedly a nice guy, though I don't know much on him.

Diplo: Diplo has always been very polite to me, and he's easy to handle but he likes suuuuuper trashy, really young (looking) girls. The kind of girls who look like they would taste like salty garbage and would let you fuck them without a condom (pretty sure he's mentioned off-hand a time or two he doesn't like condoms).

Dubfire: Dubfire always seemed respectable, better than Sharam anyway. He's a million times more talented than Sharam and honestly he was the sound behind Deep Dish whish Sharam just pissed about.

Eric Prydz: Tell your friends to look up to Eric Prydz; much better role model and fantastic Swedish DJ!

Eric Prydz: Eric (Prydz) is such a fucking legend. Love him to pieces. He's so incredibly smart and wonderfully snarky. I know Swedish pretty well so we'll often get snarky sometimes in Swedish. He is always on point and very focused on his work, always thinking and learning and listening. He loves his fans, too, and loves to talk to them.

Fatboy Slim: Fatboy once did so much coke in the greenroom he got a nosebleed and I had to replace the pillows on the couch. The venue was pretty pissed. He's chill as fuck though.

Fedde le Grand: Fedde le Grand wanted to do me. I said no. He seemed very surprised and said ‘you have incredible will power' then walked off. No other interaction on him and I don't know anything about him other than he is a party machine according to a friend who knows his TM.

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Ferry Corsten: Ferry I still like, but since he switched over to his new manager and started hanging around Markus he very quickly shed his good-boy image. He used to never do drugs and take on groupies, now more often than not I see him pretty fucked up. He LOVES Asian women, too. He is very private and closed off and generally doesn't enjoy dealing with the fans, not to say he doesn't like them, but he gets nervous.

Gareth Emery: Gaz is a good, serious guy who works very hard. I'm super proud of him.

Gramatik: Only have spoken to Gramatik and he's a very smart guy, pretty nice!

Hardwell: Hardwell is cocky, I mean, when you get him alone he has moments where he acts like a human being but given he was Tiesto's hand-picked protege (fun fact, before Hardwell there was a kid named Phynn who Tiesto was grooming to be his protege but dumped him after Phynn knocked up an INSANE girl by the name of Myra and she started to encroach on Tiesto's groupies). He's always been okay to me, and really it is more of his team that is a pain to deal with than Hardwell himself.

Kaskade: Everything you've heard is true: great dude with amazing amounts of energy. He can be a bit of a troublemaker, but not in a bad way.

Krewella: I LOVE Krewella. I love their manager even more. All good people who like to party, yet know how to keep themselves in check. Been in their studio too, its pretty low-key.

Laidback Luke: Laidback Luke is fun! He's a funny dude and always cracking jokes; I remember when he used to tag team with Luciano. Damn they were such a duo, I wish they'd bring that back.

Markus Schulz: I ADORE Markus. He is an absolute mess and I think he is the best person. Used to fucking hate him. He's so sleezy, but now I see its just him and he doesn't mean any harm by it (and his wife is completely okay with him running off with groupies. They have a specific arrangement which is their business). I ran in Markus' circle for years and thought he was disgusting, mostly because he would be wasted and saunter up to me and say “Haven't I fucked you?” infront of industry people. Now, as a female it is very hard to be taken seriously so a comment like that could destroy my reputation. I would get so mad at him. Turns out he thought I had a serious stick up my ass (I did) and needed to relax and have fun. We became pretty good friends after that.

Martin Solveig: Martin is a sourpuss. He was booked to play this Top 40 club and he hated the people there so he purposely bombed his set and refused to play any of his tracks. Kept playing very underground stuff. He's never seemed like a happy person, to be honest.

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Nervo: I love Nervo! Beautiful girls, so hardworking and I love they didn't sell their pussies like some other girls. They're super fun Aussies and love afterparties (like chilling in the club afterparties). W&W kept to themselves when I saw them at an industry party but were on fire live. Go see them! Dash Berlin isn't my kind of music but they're good enough people. Fun to be around and mischievous.

Paris Hilton: I have sadly dealt with Paris on a seperate occassion. Fucking hell I wanted to dig my brain out with her stiletto (which she stupidly wore to the outdoor festival on the first sunny day following three days of rain and cried because her shoes kept sinking into the ground).

Paul Van Dyk: Paul is stubborn as hell. I know his manager very well and she complains that he's stubborn and very set in his ways and she's thrown her phone many times in anger, but she still does it and seems to like Paul so he can't be that bad of a guy. He is very, uh, German though.

Porter Robinson: Porter is a good kid, a little demanding but he shot to fame at a very early age so it is to be expected. Overall he's nice and I love talking to him about anime.

Porter Robinson: Porter is very young. I like him well enough but my opinion of him changed to slightly negative when Mat Zo was telling me how he was not really having a good time on tour with Porter because Porter is a vegetarian and was forcing the whole tour crew and Mat to be vegetarian out of respect. That being said he's a young kid and I love nerding out with him about anime.

Rusko: Rusko is… interesting. There is a bit of an elitist air about him, especially when you start talking to him about Dubstep. Don't get me wrong, he's pleasant, but he absolutely loathes 99% of the people who listen to dubstep, even those who credit him as a sound inspiration. He's pretty closed off in general. I only handled him once, he didn't say too much but his silence was less diva and more I'm-so-tired-of-this-shit.

Sander Van Doorn: Only met SVD briefly after his set for ASOT two years ago, but I've only heard good things about him from others. He has the cutest butt-wiggle when he's DJing, haha!

Shogun: Shogun I heard parties and loves to get people drunk. Nice guy though.

Skrillex: Skrillex is a great, shy, very polite guy.

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Skrillex: Said it before: He's a very shy, very polite guy. He is honestly the best guy I have ever dealt with and his manners would put a southern gentleman to shame.

Skrillex: Skrillex! Absolute darling! He is the kindest, most soft-spoken artist I've yet to work with. So polite, always saying please and thank-you. God, I was dazzled by his manners. So easy to please.

Steve Aoki: Steve is a dick. He thinks its funny to talk about the girls he fucks in a really messed up way, and likes to push them to do really extreme things (like how he bragged he got a girl to fuck herself with this vase in his hotel room and made one girl sit in a cake and ‘ate the cake, icing at all out of her twat'). I've never liked Steve, I hope he get diabetes.

Steve Aoki: Steve is a twat and so obsessed with his image all I can do is laugh at how pathetic he is.

Swedish House Mafia: The SHM are all twats. They're openly in it for the wrong reasons and are very posey/showy. Never really dealt with them but know a lot who know them.

Tiesto: Tiesto… oh man I have so many stories about him. Much like Hardwell, Tijs' group/management is what make him so impossible to deal with. There is A LOT of Tiesto you have to remember when handling him (if people are going to meet-and-greet it must be in a certain lighting so you can't really see his age or what touring has done to him. He's also had a lot of work done), only girls of a certain look and likes multiples. When he leaves the venue, alley and path to his car must be completely secured, he really likes snow-peas and always has them in his rider.

Tiesto: Tijs is hard to understand. Its hard to hate him, its hard to love him.

Wolfgang Gartner: Haven’t handled Wolfgang but I've been told he's pretty chill. Likes to drink but doesn't get rowdy.

 

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