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New Law Enforces All Dance Music Festivals To Be 21+

April Fools!

America has done the impossible. Somehow, a new law was passed today that enforces all attendees at music festivals to be 21 and older.

Thanks in no small part to the House of Representatives and more importantly the President of the United States for passing a bill on Saturday that would enforce this new law to be put in place.

Rep. Marsh Blackmon (R-Cali.), who introduced the legislation in the House, has received $750,000 from the homeowners surrounding music festival locations over the course of her 10-year political career, including $65,000 from homeowners surrounding Red Rocks Amphitheater and $120,000 from businesses in the downtown Miami, Florida area.

“Music festivals should be for ages 21 and up anyways. Who gave these kids the right to go to music festivals anyways,” Brian Delong, a senior music festival attendee.

The bill has now passed in both the House and the Senate, with both Republicans and Democrats unanimously in favor.

So, in the very likely event that this becomes law, here's what you can do.

  • Stream Music Festivals from Home
  • Move to Canada
  • Move to Germany with Zedd

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