So it has been no secret that president elect Trump has had trouble booking his inaugural ball. A man who has based his entire career on closing a deal has had massive trouble even closing a Bruce Springsteen cover band. No like real shit…a Bruce Springsteen cover band pulled out of this event. So we thought that we'd help a bit. The world of electronic dance is full of eclectic names, names that the Donald might have forgotten. Do not worry big guy, we are here to make sure that you make America great again by lining you up with the top of the line, best electronic music acts.
Ah the world's former number one DJs. These two trouble makers fresh out of the Netherlands are known for their festival anthems and big room atmospheric sounds. In 2015 the duo took the top spot of the DJ Mag annual poll and soon there was a bit of an outrage. A lot of people felt that they did not deserve the top spot, yet they received the most votes. This sounds like something Donny can relate too right?
Carnage is sort of a dance music enigma. In a way, he barely really has any idea what is going on. One day it is trap, the next it's psytrance. There is nothing wrong with diversity of course, but honestly this feels a bit more like confusion. The artist got his start making trap heaters. Recently found fame when he tried to explain a production program and ended up displaying that he had no idea what he was talking about. Sounds like Trump's cabinet pick for secretary of education Betsy DeVos doesn't it? Who, after today we learned has literally no fucking idea what she is doing running the countries education system.
3. Caked Up
Caked Up is a duo that rode the wave of hybrid dubstep during it's peak popularity around 2013. Known for their outspoken nature, social media antics and vivacious live performances these guys would make an absolute great group to headline the Trump Ball. We are sure the Donald is his children who appear to be made out of silicon would get down hard to Oscar Wylde and company. Caked Up is also known for being accused of plagiarism. It has been shown that they have many tracks which do sound upsetting similar to other artist's previous work. This would definitely make Trump's current wife, Melania, feel right at home as she basically stole Michelle Obama's speech a few months ago.
DVBBS is a electro/big room duo that made waves in the dance music community with their massive hit, ‘Tsunami' a few years back. DVBBS is from Canada, so getting a visa might be a bit difficult. Definitely not as difficult if they were from Mexico! Get it? Yeah, because of the wall thing. But anyway DVBBS is of course the pick for The President elect himself, because they have had some serious accusations made against them. Luckily our soon to be president is literally known for a history of sexual assault accusations. The brothers from Canada and him should get along famously.
1. Ten Walls
Ten Walls is an incredibly talented producer and DJ who is based out of Lithuania. A country not especially known for breeding open mindedness. This played out tragically when Ten Walls decided to publicize his feelings towards non heterosexual members of this planet in a disgusting and horrific Facebook rant where he equated homosexuality to bestiality. Sounds like someone we know right? That's right! Vice President elect of the United States, Mike Pence. Who actually believes you can electrocute gay people into being straight. It is like a match made in heaven.
Bonus: Robert Sillerman
While technically not a DJ Robby S. should still get an invite. It takes some talent to tank a company as fast as Sillerman did, but he could learn a thing or two about driving a company into bankruptcy from our commander in chief who has a few more under his belt than Bobby.