Ahh festival season, a time when all of the depravity that man kind stored during the winter months comes out in many insane, usually questionable ways. Coachella released its line up this past week, and of course it features some of the most incredible artists in every genre imaginable. Coachella is kind of the landmark music festival for people who normally do not go to festivals. It has it's own brand of unique cliches that are inescapable. From flower crowns, to crop tops and bro tanks – Coachella is the place to be if you are rich, pretty, don't like music festivals but still want some solid instagram fodder for the next month.
Though with each year as festival line ups are announced, there are always some beautiful trolls. This year is no exception. Oddly enough one of the first trolls – an obvious one at that – has been circulating around the blog world as legitimate. A craigslist post from a retired, recently divorced gentleman offering tickets to a 20 something in exchange for some bizarre requests has been having the music community reeling.
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This could not be any more obviously a troll – as anyone who is willing to compile a list as such would have gotten arrested as soon as they left their house wearing their freshly made human skin Mask. If you need a good laugh check it out below, whoever is behind this, bravo. We included the full transcript of the craigslist ad below but if you wanna check out the original just go here.
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“Ok here’s the deal. I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m willing to give it away for free to the right person. I’m looking for a travel ‘companion’ that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time. I left my Job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation and subsequently divorced my wife of 11 years. I cashed out my 401k and decided that moving forward, my life is all about having fun! No more team meetings, no more employee evaluations, no more balance sheets, no more darn conference calls at 7am. JUST FUN! I have a room at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio Thursday through Monday. If you believe you can meet the below criteria, please shoot me an email and describe why you think you make the best fit. I appreciate your time and look forward to finding the right ‘one’!
1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25
2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).
3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).
4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.
5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.
6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.
7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially).
8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.
9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS!
10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).
11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.
12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).
13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok.
14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram account.
15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.
16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better (perfect time for instigram photo!)
17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that ‘I am naughty’.
18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that ‘you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time’.
19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.
20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and as mentioned, an all expenses paid trip. If you think you’re the one, let me know and we can have a great time together. My name is Gordon and I am 56 years old from West Covina.
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